:Photo by Jonathan Göhner on Unsplash

Slug City: A Gardening Love Story

Debbie Lynn Miller

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by Debbie L. Miller

Winner of the 2017 Mona Schreiber Prize for Humorous Fiction and Nonfiction

“Honestly, Marge,” I say into the phone, “I don’t know how I do it. I just have a green thumb, I guess.”

“Well, I do admire your effort. You have achieved an enviable ecological balance.”

“I try,” I say modestly.

It’s true I was a gardening genius. Until the slugs came, that is. They ate their way from one side of my garden paradise to the other, spreading their slimy, shimmering snail ooze. I lived in fear that Marge would stop by unannounced and find out what a fraud I was.

“Do you know that Addy has been having a terrible problem with slugs?” I gossip.

“Well, it doesn’t surprise me. She’s a terrible gardener. No gardener worth her weight would have even one slug in her garden.”

“I know, but, if she asks my advice, what do I tell her?”

“I hear that beer works for some. Of course, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had slugs in my garden.”

Like hell, she hasn’t.

Determined to get rid of the little darlings, I searched the public library, scouring the shelves for any shred of evidence that slugs…

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Debbie Lynn Miller
Debbie Lynn Miller

Written by Debbie Lynn Miller

Brooklyn satire writer Debbie L. Miller is published in The Belladonna Comedy, Frazzled, The Haven, The StopGap, Greener Pastures, and The Syndrome Magazine.

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