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Slug City: A Gardening Love Story

Debbie Lynn Miller

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by Debbie L. Miller

Winner of the 2017 Mona Schreiber Prize for Humorous Fiction and Nonfiction

“Honestly, Marge,” I say into the phone, “I don’t know how I do it. I just have a green thumb, I guess.”

“Well, I do admire your effort. You have achieved an enviable ecological balance.”

“I try,” I say modestly.

It’s true I was a gardening genius. Until the slugs came, that is. They ate their way from one side of my garden paradise to the other, spreading their slimy, shimmering snail ooze. I lived in fear that Marge would stop by unannounced and find out what a fraud I was.

“Do you know that Addy has been having a terrible problem with slugs?” I gossip.

“Well, it doesn’t surprise me. She’s a terrible gardener. No gardener worth her weight would have even one slug in her garden.”

“I know, but, if she asks my advice, what do I tell her?”

“I hear that beer works for some. Of course, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had slugs in my garden.”

Like hell, she hasn’t.

Determined to get rid of the little darlings, I searched the public library, scouring the shelves for any shred of evidence that slugs…

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