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Top Ten Ways to Get Your Play Produced on Broadway
It’s not what you think!
by Debbie L. Miller
Are you at a creative impasse? Burned out? Tired of sending out submission after submission, only to receive nothing but rejections? Well, don’t give up! That big production deal is just around the corner. If you follow these handy hacks on how to get your play produced in the Big Apple, you’ll be raking in the money in no time.
1. To fund your play, rob a bank, marry a billionaire, or bump off a rich relative. Or, come up with a novel fundraising idea. Think outside the box: host a celebrity Tupperware party in trendy Tribeca; parade around Midtown wearing a sandwich board, dressed as a duck; actually talk to people on the subway. Let desperation be your guide and don’t be afraid to make a spectacle of yourself. It’s New York. Nobody will bat an eyelash.
2. Originality is way over-rated. Forget about your own voice. This is an erroneous belief started by a writer who read too many “how to” playwriting books and attended too many workshops. The key word here is “derivative.” Copy characters, “borrow” ideas. You aren’t stealing — you’re paying homage to other writers.
3. Make it a love story. You’ll have a hit every time. Punch it up — have the main character fall in love with a sheep, or better still, a unicorn. Audiences love to watch romance unfurl. But, whatever you do, don’t have your characters talk about anything serious. Frivolity must prevail. Create characters who muse about the weather, sing the praises of their dry cleaners, or long for the right haircut. The last thing you want to do is depress your audience by asking them to think.
4. Give your play a sexual theme. Sex sells, so sex it up! Elaborately staged orgy-istic scenes, costumes out of Frederick’s of Hollywood. No holds barred! If you worry about offending, you’ll lose precious butts in the seats. And, is that not the name of the game? Boost ticket prices and help your bottom line. Why charge $105 a seat when you can rake in $350?
5. Cast big names. Think “Dancing with the Stars” and celebrity chefs. And, don’t forget washed-up former child stars — anything that makes an audience say, “Gee whiz, I thought she was dead!”
